What if my Spouse refuses to sign the Divorce Papers?

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First things first; in Texas, your spouse will never have to sign any piece of paper in your divorce case.

Your ex does not have put her signature on a Waiver of Citation. Upon a written request and a payment of a small fee ($8), the District Clerk will issue a citation. A process server or constable will charge a larger fee ($75 or so) and deliver the citation. She-who-does-not-sign-waivers does not even have to sign the citation. The process server hands her the papers and walks away.  

Your spouse does not have to sign a car title or a deed to property. The Judge can award legal title or the house or a car to you in the Divorce Decree.

However, if a deed with your ex's signature is important to you, then you may have to ask the Judge to specifically order your spouse to sign a specific document. If there is a deed that needs to be sign by a stubborn spouse, then it is common for a copy of the deed to be attached to the Decree of Divorce. The same Decree of Divorce will have language ordering the willful spouse to sign the deed within 7 days. This is a cumbersome procedure, but the Judge will enforce his rulings with contempt orders. Contempt can include punishments of jail time for up to 6 months and fines.

Your ex does not have to sign a mediated settlement agreement. If there is no agreement and no settlement, then the Judge will hear evidence and sign a Decree of Divorce. The agreement of your spouse is not required.

Your ex does not have to sign the Divorce Decree; it's the Judge's signature that makes the Divorce Decree an official, legal document.

There are times when legitimate arguments arise over the wording in a complicated divorce decree. If that happens, there will be a hearing, the Judge will make a ruling, and the Judge will sign a Decree of Divorce.

If one party simply unhappy about the divorce and refuses to sign the Divorce Decree, then a Motion to Sign Decree will be filed in the court, and the Judge will sign a Divorce Decree. 

Declining to sign the papers in a divorce case is childish and will annoy the Judge. In a contentious divorce, never exasperate the Judge; let you’re the other party frustrate the Judge. As a Judge hears a case, he or she can tell if there are legitimate things to argue about, or if one spouse is simply making life hard on the other party. Judges commonly make their irritation known by rendering a judgment for attorney fees against the pigheaded spouse.

Conclusion: If your ex is going to be childish and exasperate the Judge, then the case will be more contentious than you had hoped for. Is this may be the first time you have been in a divorce with a childish party? Well, the Court has seen hundreds of these cases. The Court will be prepared to handle this situation. Take a deep breath. Proceed with your case. In the courtroom and out of the courtroom, there are many things to worry about. Do not worry about a spouse's refusal to sign papers.

How your Child might react to your Divorce

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The inner being of every member of your family will shake from the shock of a divorce. The most precious member of the family, your child, might react dramatically. Let's walk through some warning signs, then the ways a child might react, then how you and your child may work towards a resolution.

Early warning: The barometer for how a child reacts to a divorce might be at her school. As your child's emotions began to come out, she can be expected to be more aggressive and show anti-social behaviors. Watch for notes from her teacher, telephone calls from a counselor, worsening weekly test scores, and report cards showing poor grades or poor classroom conduct. These early warnings are your call to action.

Reactions by age: The college age student, or young adult beginning to leave home, may outwardly take the news of a divorce calmly, but inwardly can be quite emotional. At this age, she is uncertain about leaving home and her future. The news of a divorce adds force to her fears of abandonment. She is literally losing her home. She may react by accusing one parent of being selfish, which is likely true.

The high school or middle school student's emotions, as you would expect, will be excessive or just the opposite, and be too calm. Be aware; the emotions of the calm teen are stirring. Your teen needs a parent's careful observation.

It is said that your preteen tends to see things in black and white, take sides, and might blame one parent. Each parent needs to know that the preteen will grow through this phase.

Preschoolers, like their college brothers and sisters, are beginning to leave the home. Your preschooler faces fears about leaving home for daycare, preschool or school. They have abandonment fears, which are exacerbated by the news of a divorce. They will not understand, but they do know that one of their parents is gone.

Toddlers have an egocentric view of everything. It is all about them. If one of the parents has left, they blame themselves. Your toddlers, like preschoolers, may outwardly avoid showing much emotion, but deal with their feelings by playing "divorce" or "separation" with their dolls.

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A Child's view of her parents - In a divorce, every child, will at a later time, decide if one of her parents has been lying to her. Do not be the one she decides has been telling lies.

Providing Protections: After she hears about the divorce, you can do many things to help your child.

A mutual Story: A mutual story, that each parent will confirm is true, can be very helpful for school age children. Do not tell your child the bitter details of a divorce; your child should never be exposed to adult themes in sex, drugs, or family violence.

Do not argue: Do not argue in front of your children. Such behavior is pointless and abuses your children. It takes two persons to argue. You can say, "I hear what you say. We will discuss this later."

Other adults: The children have teachers, coaches, clergy, and counselors. Talk to the teachers and other adults who bump up against your child on a daily basis. They provide guidance to point your child in the right direction. Please remember, you are not going to argue with the teacher about your girl's outbursts or poor grades. You are going to see the teacher so the two of you can double team your child. The two of you can help your girl improve her grades, her behavior, and her life.

Away from school, a parent can enroll a child in a soccer program or a self defense class. Look for a soccer program or self defense class that has coaches who emphasize the importance of discipline. This means showing your child how to control her emotions and not act out.

There are dance lessons, piano lessons, and summer sports programs for children. Sports camps and little league teach a child discipline and the control of her emotions. Dance lessons, piano lessons, and art lessons teach your child to express her emotions in constructive ways.

There are clergy who provide weekly programs for your child. Prayer and biblical teachings can be helpful to those who are hurting.

Former friends: If a divorce causes your child to move to a new school, you can help the child to talk, visit, and play with her former friends. Play dates with former friends ease the pain of moving across town.

Discipline: As an effective single parent, you will have rules and discipline, but will have a warm affection for your child. This is so easy to say and so difficult to live. No parent is perfect, of course, but there are some temptations to avoid.

Do not turn your child into the "little man" or "little woman" of the house. Your child needs your emotional support and help. Do not rob your little girl of her childhood.

Do not lean on your child for your emotional support. Your girl or boy needs your physical support, monetary support, and emotional support. You play the part of the adult, and all things will fall into place for your child.

Conclusion:  As H. Jackson Brown, Jr. said, "Live so that when your children think of fairness, and integrity, they think of you." There are enormous rewards for the single parent who successfully navigates through the emotional dangers to her child in a divorce. A child of divorced parents can have her life enhanced by each parent. The goal is for each parent to guide his or her child into living a good life as an adult. Keep your eyes on the goal.

Never argue with your ex in front of the children

Arguing with your ex-spouse in front of the children is like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. It is pointless.

Do not ever argue with your ex in front of the children. It leaves mental scars on your children. Good single parents learn strategies on how to get along with the ex-spouse.

Say "No" to an argument.

At the children's exchange point, turn down to offer to argue. It takes two to argue. You can say, "I hear what you are saying. We will talk about this later." You agreed that you heard his concern. Do not talk about adult matters in front of the children. Do not lower yourself into name calling in front of your kids.

Ways to communicate with your ex.

Diary: Some single parents use a locked diary, which goes back and forth with the children. Baseball schedules, school events, and medicinal information go back and forth. Adult concerns about a child can also be expressed away from the eyes and hearing of a small child. Abusive messages can be copied and saved to show a Judge later.

Email: Email is another easy method of communication. No one has to be home or awake, to receive the message. Concerns can be expressed and responded to by an email. Abusive messages can be printed and saved for the Judge.

Telephone calls: It is best if everyone agrees that one telephone call is enough and that all telephone calls will be returned within a few hours. Everyone should know that coarse language, hang-ups, and repeated calls are abusive and will not be tolerated.

Abusive communications.

Consider giving your ex a separate ring on your cell phone. Consider sending your ex's call immediately to the answering machine after a certain hour in the evening. Consider getting a second telephone line for your cell phone for you, your friends, your family, and your family. Your ex has the old number and you will know when it rings who is calling. All other calls, with the new ringer, will be from your family and friends.

Criminal acts.

Stalking is a criminal act, and the police arrest stalkers. Making threats over the telephone, in Texas, is called a Terroristic Threat, and the police arrest those who make threats. There are also laws against harassing ex-spouses, ex-lovers, and ex-family members. If you are harassed, call your District Attorney about getting a Protective Order. Violators of protective orders are arrested like criminals.

Legally recorded telephone conversations.

Some states forbid recording telephone conversations. Texas allows recording telephone conversations under certain conditions. Talk to a lawyer about making legal phone recordings. Then get on the computer and go to Phone Recorder or Spyville and buy a device to record telephone conversations with your ex. There are also some Apps on Google that allow some cell phones to record calls. If your ex abuses you on the telephone, the recordings can be played for a Judge, who will hear how abusive your ex can be.  

The key is to take notes of bad behavior.

Take notes, make recordings, print emails, print texts, and copy diary writings. Get a big calendar and make notes on the specific date things happen. Be smart, take notes, and keep them in a big box. Your lawyer will love you and you will actually have something specific to tell the Judge.

Kindness.

Give emotions time to cool. Do your duty, as spelled out by a court. In addition, use a little kindness. Bring a bag of groceries when you pick up the children. Buy a tank of gas for your ex, on occasion. When you pick up your son or daughter, immediately take them to do something fun. Take your girl to buy a Barbie doll. Take your boy to eat a pizza. Go to a movie. Build a relationship.

Conclusion.

The rewards and advantages of remaining calm in the face of your ex are huge. You will save your children from sadistic behavior. The goal is not to argue with your spouse. The goal is to earn the love and respect of your children. Another goal is to guide your children towards having a good life. Keep your eye on the goals.

Adopt an older Child

Persons thinking about adopting an older child should hear the opinions of an old Texas adoption judge, Harold B. Clapp, who said, "Being a parent is not about blood relations. It is a contact sport. It is about who you bump into and who you touch every day." He said, "Being a parent is not hard, it just takes a long time."

Challenges: Adopting an older child is like an arranged marriage. There are two personalities and two views of the world which come together. Because of the events leading to an adoption, the child suffered traumatically sad experiences. His or her personality has been set in ill-fated circumstances. Bad things happened.

Issues: "Adoption was a bumpy ride - God, was it worth the fight." Mariska Hargity. It is no secret that rearing a preteen and teen girl or boy is a challenge, whether yours by birth or adoption. The mother's love will be there immediately, but it will take more than a mother's love to face the bumpy ride. It will take all the parenting skills to guide and prepare a girl to live a good life.

Parenting skills: To meet every day and every night challenges, your skills will include re-educating the misinformed, consoling the sad, and guiding the undisciplined. Your little girl may never appear to listen to you, but she will always be watching you. As your little girl grows, so shall your skills grow to meet her needs.

Conclusion: So, a family is assembled by a mother's bumping into, colliding with, and touching her child's body and soul every day and every night. The rewards are enormous. It is the adopted child who will remember her mother's birthday. It is the adopted child who will look most like her mother in the Christmas card photographs. An adopted girl will remember and appreciate, once she is past her teen insolent years, what her mother did for her.

Final Result: The final result was best said by an anonymous soul, "A family is like fudge - mostly sweet, with a few nuts."

  

How to settle Child custody issues out of court

Mark Twain said it best, ""We are always too busy for our children; we never give them the time or interest they deserve. We lavish gifts upon them; but the most precious gift, our personal association, which means so much to them, we give grudgingly." A custody dispute means you are losing even more time with your children. Good single parenting suggests that custody issues be settled to maximize time with each parent. How do you settle custody issues? You face hard realities.

Look at realities

A custody trial scars the children for the rest of their lives. A parent needs compelling reasons before emotionally scarring children. Going to trial on custody issues simply to win, or to beat the other parent, is child abuse. There are better ways to decide when to go to trial and when to settle custody issues.

Custody issues and danger

To settle custody issues, ask, "Are my children in real physical danger or real emotional danger, while in possession of the other parent?" Some parents will kill children. Some are seriously disturbed. Others are troubled with dangerous addictions. The best interest of the children demands an honest answer to a question about danger.

The possession order

Texas and other states have standardized possession orders for visitation. Other states follow a general guideline for visitation. Very young children are treated differently. Find out how much time each parent will possess the children in your state. Using a visitation schedule you get from your lawyer, or online, is how you settle custody issues.

After reading the visitation schedule, take a calendar, and mark an "X" for each 2 hour period of visitation and possession you or the other parent, will likely get. Calculate the total possession of the children for each month of the year. There are weekends, holidays, summer vacations, school breaks, birthdays, and short weekly visits. Each month will be different. The school's schedules will vary from school district to school district. Mark your "X"s and add up the time. How much of the year will the visiting parent be with the children?

The point is: after the weekend visitations, summer vacations, and holidays are totaled, possession of the children can be close to a 50/50 deal. Each party will have a lot of time to enhance the lives of the children. Even if the lesser parent insists on having custody, the other parent will have time to make the children's lives better, more advanced, and more developed, without any emotional bruises from a trial. After seeing how much time each parent can spend with the children, it is time to ask, "Why is custody an issue?"

Most persons settle custody issues

Celebrity couples settle custody issues on a regular basis.  Tom Cruise and Katie Homes, Kelsey and Camille Grammer, Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry, and less famous persons settle their custody issues. So, with the best interest of the children as a goal, get practical, cooperative, and use some common techniques to settle custody issues.

Informal talks

Informal talks between parents, outside of court, should include tweaking the likely possession schedule. Good single parenting requires an adequate notice before either parent moves out of state, or takes the children out of state. Who pays for the children's airline tickets to Los Angeles? Discussions should include a parent's emails and a weekly schedule of telephone calls to the children. Follow the likely possession schedules as a guide, and arrive at a parenting plan. Is it important for one parent to possess the children on Christmas Eve? Is a 2 hour Wednesday evening visit each week important for one parent? If the kids are coming over for Saturday and Sunday, what about starting the visit on Friday evening? What about the children wanting tattoos and piercings? What about a parent's living arrangements with someone not a spouse? Single parenting asks these questions and looks for cooperative answers.

Mediation

If informal talks are not successful, then mediation is a great way to resolve the issues out of court. Mediation is the last chance for the parents to say how they want the children to live, before turning the decision over to a Judge. The Judge will give a ruling. But know this: the Judge does not know you and does not love your children. 

In mediation, the parents, and their attorneys, sit in separate rooms. A certified mediator, trained to settle custody cases, hears the ideas of one parent. Then the mediator walks to the other room to discuss the issues with the other parent. A mediator goes back and forth all day. All custody issues are discussed. All fears are aired. Emotions ebb, practical steps are suggested. An understanding of a Judge's possible decision is explained.  After a day of intense and emotional discussions, cases are settled in mediation. At the end of the day, a short written agreement is prepared, covering the agreements. A lawyer then prepares a judgment or decree, which sets out the agreement in detail.

Conclusion

You have many choices. You can choose to subordinate pride, a desire to win, and revenge. You can choose to act in favor of the best interest of your children. Get real, get practical, get cooperative, and settle your custody issues.

Differences in Separate Property and Community Property in Texas

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Introduction

 Texas is a community property state. That means the property laws came from Mexico and Spain, and are quite different from the laws in those states that were English colonies. The law of property, in Texas, begins with 2 definitions.

Separate Property 

In Texas, separate property is:

Property owned before the marriage; or,

Inherited property; or,

A gift; or,

A recovery for some personal injuries during the marriage; or,

Separate property that has changed in form, but can still be identified as separate property.

Community Property 

 In Texas, everything else is community property. All property is presumed to be community property, unless clear and convincing proof can show it to be one of the 5 items shown above.

Importance of separate and community

 A divorce court can and will divide community property between spouses. A divorce court cannot give husband's separate property to his wife (or vice versa). When a person dies, separate property is given to different heirs than to whom community property is given.

Examples

The definitions sound simple enough, so let's see some examples:

Engagement Ring

Is Susie’s engagement ring and wedding ring her separate property? Yes, for two reasons. They were gifts. In addition, Susie owned them before the marriage; before a preacher said “I pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.” 

Pickup Truck trade-in

John bought a pickup truck before the marriage, and then traded it in for a newer truck after the marriage. A Ford truck purchased before the marriage, and changed to a newer Dodge pickup after the marriage, is still, John’s separate property.

Purchased before Marriage, but paid for after Marriage

John only signed the contract to buy a pickup truck before the marriage. All the monthly payments were made by John during the marriage.  Because the purchase contract was signed before the marriage, the truck is John's separate property.

Retirement

John works for ABC Corporation and earned retirement for 20 years. During that time, he was married to Susie for 10 years. Susie gets ½ of John’s retirement earned during the marriage.  Susie gets none of John's (separate) retirement before they were married.

Living together

If Susie and John lived together before the marriage, Susie gets none of John's retirement during that time. This is unfair to Susie, but she can solve the problem by marrying John before living with him.

Title in John’s Name only

If the property is community property, the name on the title makes no difference. This is a huge difference between Texas law and states that were English colonies. In those states, called common law states, the name on the title makes all the difference. A Texas divorce court will divide community property, even if the title is in only one name.

Separate Property in both Names

If separate property is in both names, Texas law says it is a gift and is owned 50 - 50.

A Bank Account or E Trade Account

Before his marriage, John’s E-trade account had $20,000 dollars in 

the account. It now has $15,000 dollars. Simple subtraction shows that it is all John’s separate property, right? No, Texas law says it is entirely community property.

Tracing

For a court to say the E-trade account is John's separate property, each dollar must be traced back to a specific gift, a specific inheritance, or shown that it was owned before the marriage.  It could also be shown to be the result of a trade of separate property, (100 shares of Exxon, owned before marriage, traded for 150 shares of ABC Corporation). If the figures are too confusing, or if the records are lost, all of the account will be presumed to be community property.

Tracing problems

It is common for courts to find bank accounts are community property. Records get shredded; banks keep records for only a short period of time. The tracing will also fail, if after the marriage, John's weekly paycheck is deposited and mixed with the separate money. The character of the money is lost and the account is found to be a community account.

Summary

These rules are confusing. So go back to the definition of separate property. Was the property was a gift, or inherited, or owned before marriage?  If yes, then it is separate property. Was the property separate property, but traded for something else during the marriage? If yes, then it is separate property. Was the property a personal injury settlement during the marriage? If yes, then it depends. A "no" answer to any of these questions means that the property is community property.

Conclusion

It is important to know the character of property in Texas. If this is important to you, then make a list with the date of the marriage, the date the property was obtained, what money paid for the property, and then go talk to a lawyer. 

Mistaken Paternity in East Texas

Correcting a mistaken paternity.

Mistaken Paternity can be corrected in East Texas, if there was:

·       no DNA test was given to the man; and

·       a man signed a paper admitting he was the father, on the false belief that he was the father of the child; or

·       a man did not argue a court case on the false belief that he was the father of the child; and

·       the man brings the suit within 1 year of the date on which he becomes aware that he was not the child's real father.

Four Questions

A man should ask himself four questions.

Has it been less than a year since you signed a paper admitting you were the father?  (Yes)

Has it been less than a year since a court said you were the father? (Yes)

Was there a DNA test? (No)

Did you sign the paper admitting you were the father, or fail to argue a court case, on the false belief that you were the father? (Yes)

The Law  

Section 161.005, Texas Family Code, allows the man to file a suit asking that child support and medical support orders be ended. The child support will end on the date the Termination Order is signed, but there will be no repayment of child support or medical support already owing. If it seems unfair, just tell that to my client, who brought the lawsuit within 1 year of the passing of the new law and had paid child support for many years. He did not receive a refund of even a dollar. He had regularly paid child support on the 1^st and 15^th of the month for many years, but had to pay the full amount of monthly child support for the last month, because it was all due on the 1^st and the Termination Order was signed on the 12^th.

File a lawsuit, now! 

The moral of this story is plain. If the facts fit, get a lawyer and file a suit as soon as possible. If a paper or a court says you are the father, you may pay $400 a month in child support. In 18 years, that will cost you $86,400.00. If you wait past the 1 year deadline, you will not be able file a lawsuit to correct the mistake.