Stop the
divorce: Marriage is a voluntary covenant or agreement. No one can stop your
divorce and save your marriage by pressuring or pushing or arguing. If there are problems in your marriage, or if you are separated, and still talking to your spouse, then things
will go much better if you do these things:
1. Marriage advice:
Do not harass, do not annoy, and do not pressure your spouse. Do not, ever
again, attempt to compel your spouse to do anything. Trying to pressure your
spouse is what made your relationship, and now your divorce case, worse. Stop.
2. No serious talks: When was the last time you and your
spouse had a happy, cheerful, talk about something serious? Yeah, it's been a
long time. Do not talk about or discuss serious matters (like problems in your marriage)
with your spouse. Expressing your opinion will come across as trying to control
or pressure your spouse.
3. No promises: There are three things that should never be
broken; a toy, a promise, and a heart. Do not repeat old broken promises; such
as, "It will never happen again," or "I promise to do
better." Repeating broken promises will only make things worse. New
promises are laughable.
4. Strengthen your marriage: Do agree. Don't argue, don't set
the record straight, and don't defend yourself. She may say, "You are
always coming home late; that has destroyed our marriage. I want a
divorce." You should say, "I agree with you that I am always late. If
you want a divorce, I agree, we need a divorce."
You will acknowledge the truth of your spouse's complaint.
You will also acknowledge that if your spouse wants and asks for a divorce, the
court will grant a divorce. By refusing to argue or defend, you will reduce the
anger and taken away the fight. Your spouse now must contemplate a life alone,
without help, and wonder whether that is really the good life and the best
life. Allow your spouse to do some thinking without the pressure and without
the fight.
5. Act completely contented: "All the world's a stage.
And all men and women merely players; They have their exits and their
entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts…" Shakespeare,
Jacques' monologue, As You Like It, Act
II, Scene VII. In the face of venting
from your spouse, your part is to act completely calm and contented. You do not
feel contented; act contented and calm.
6. Be genuine in your talk: When you converse, have a genuine
tone in your voice. Some of us are sarcastic. Some of us are loud. Some of us
are too beaten up by life and have a hard time simply being sincere and
genuine. You were genuine and whispered when you were agreeing to marry; talk
that way again.
7. Get some help: These things are incredibly difficult, get
some help. Some people will go to a quiet place, turn off all noise making
televisions, and meditate. Some will go to a small room and pray for the peace that
surpasses all understanding, that God showers from heaven onto his people.
Through the week, be prepared to spend time in meditation or prayer. There are
people who can help you, of course, such as a pastor, priest, rabbi or marriage
counselor. The point is this: do the homework on yourself, begin to be a better
person, and save your marriage.
8. Lower the stress level: It really does take 2 to argue.
There is simply no point in creating ill feelings. Lowering the stress level will
help all things. If there is a separation, lowering the conflict will make
things easier. If there is a divorce, bringing down the temperature is important.
Conclusion: There is no legal means to force someone to stop
a divorce. Even if the wife was a picture bride, or it was an arranged
marriage, the marriage is completely voluntary. The best advice to save your
marriage is to: Stop the pressure; agree; be genuine. The rewards for strengthening your marriage will be huge.
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